Playground politics: who are you at the schoolgate?

We're going on our fourth year at "big school" and with three in the system, I've met all sorts at the school gate. From the Keen Mum to the Now-You-See-Me-Now-You-Don't Mother, here's a description of some of the characters you will encounter on the primary school playground...

The Keen Mum -- With her first child of many starting the system, this mum is new to the school and her main goal is figuring out how things work. After four years of having a child velcroed to her hip, she wants to know what the heck Johnny is doing all day in that hallowed building. She attends every school function, is the class rep, does lunch duty, and is navigating her way around the PTA. Amazing as she has two little ones at home.

The-Over-Did-It-Mum -- Probably started out as a Keen Mum, and now that some of her children have reached upper juniors, she wants to take some time off from school activities and let some of the other mums pull their weight (this is me, BTW).

The Working Mum-- Not wanting to miss out, the working mum often volunteers for mundane events even though she barely has time to keep the fridge full of ham and yoghurts for packed lunches, let alone source and wear a pumpkin outfit and pass out sweets at the school Halloween Party!

The PTA Mum-- This mum is truly a domestic goddess, turning out baked goods as readily as counting to ten. She is full of fab ideas on how balance fund raising with fun activities for the kiddies. She always has a smile on her face and the latest Boden coat.

The School Governor Mum-- has moved on from PTA mum to more important matters, like trying to understand and improve an archaic, bureaucratic school system. All you can do is wish her luck.

The Class Rep-- spends most of her time with a clipboard chasing down mums and pleading with them to volunteer for school functions. In fear of this, most of the other mums either run when they see her or avoid eye contact.

The Now-You-See-Me-Now-You-Don't Mum -- Often a working mum (but not necessarily), this mum only turns up at high-profile school functions, is highly vocal about school policies, and then disappears for months on end.

The Token Dad -- Either a stay-at-home-dad, "in between jobs", or just filling in because mum is elsewhere ... the Token Dad adds a bit of variety to the school gate. They make a point of saying hello to the other males (even if they don't know them) and provide a bit of fun for the mums by giving us something to talk about.

So who are you at the school gate?

Photo credit

Comments

[mothership]

OMG these are all truly terrifying. I am the 'I will only volunteer for things that involve no other adults or eating cake' mum. Or the "You will disapprove of me because I would rather be writing rude things on my blog about you" mum.
Wait, that's you, too, right?

[Jen]

I don't think I fit any of those, though I do recognise a lot of them. I need a new category: Part-time-working-mum: who hops up and down waiting for the doors to open so she can throw her child in and sprint back home for her car to head to work. Has all the time in the world at 3.30 though. Hasn't taken on a role at the school because she's already a time-consuming volunteer somewhere else and sometimes feels looked down on by school volunteers because of it.

[TheMadHouse]

Oh so true, I think I am a mixture of the keen mum, but also the very very shy mum, who doesnt know anyone in particular (from moving into the area)!! You also need to add a perfectly turned out, but always looks down her nose mum!!

[Brit In Bosnia]

I'm very scared. Adam not yet in school but come September when we should be back in the UK, I'm going to have to launch into it all. I might just stay here for a bit, the school gate looks scary!

[grit]

we are the people smiling and looking on in wonder as we skip past on the way to the playground xx

[Rebel Mother]

Ha! I did laugh.

I would be the now-you-see-me-now-you-dont mum. Not that vocal on school policies either. Bit like blogging really, now you see me......now you dont!

Excellent post. Really made me chuckle.

RMxx

[A Modern Mother]

Jen -- Love it!

Mad House -- Yes, forgot about the new mum in the area, she is typically keen as well. No comment on the later!

Brit in Bosnia -- It's really not as bad as I make out, really.

Grit -- ooooh, rub it in.

Rebel -- the onw I was referring too are the ones that complain about everything, but then never are around to follow up, annoying! See you ...erm... when I see you. ;-)

[SingleParentDad]

None of the above.

[A Modern Mother]

SPD -- yes agreed you are in a class of your own.

[Dawn/LittleGreenFingers]

I am slightly-deranged-mum-who-has-tendency-to-weed-school-flower-beds-whilst-waiting-for-children. Most parents give me a sympthetic smile and a wide berth...

[A Modern Mother]

Dawn-- I can just see you taking out the Nettles from the path... of course I've often thought of doing this but never have...

[Metropolitan Mum]

Hilarious!
I am the terrified pram-pusher, hoping secretly that things will change once it's my turn.

[Jennysnail]

I would say I used to be a bit like 'now you see me now you don't mum' when I was employed. Now I am self employed working from home I hope I am a normal balanced mum as I can't recognise myself in any of these.

[A Modern Mother]

Met Mum -- Of course it will darling...

Jenny -- Finally, a normal mum! yeah!

[Dulwich Divorcee]

Oh my goodness, I know all these mums! We must be hanging round the same school gates ...

[Ellen A]

Brilliant! And have you notice how Token Dad always has a phone clamped to his ear like he's got much more important things to do than be at the school gate?

[Liz]

LOL!! I'm the quiet one playing on my iphone, they all scare me ;)

[Lindy]

Oh I'm not any of them yet but I'm looking forward to finding out which one I will turn into. At the moment I'm "freaking out/desperate mum" trying frantically to get her kid into the best school in her catchment area!!

[Rosie Scribble]

I don't fit any of the above either. I'm a 'Just let them get on with it' Mum, I'll help out when it's needed but feel it's best not to interfere really.

[Mum in a Muddle]

Very funny. I started out volunteering for everything and then realised that you actually have to be organised yourself in order to organise fundraising events and the like. My attempts turned out to be as muddled as I am so I beat a hasty retreat.

[Lisa Barnhoue-Gal]

I think I am recovering mix of all of them. If I knew which one I wanted to be (PTA mom sounds nice), maybe I would wouldn't be such a mutt.

I love the descriptions!!

[A Modern Mother]

DD - I guess our small town has a lot in common with Dulwich!

Ellen -- yes, and it's a Blackberry... checking emails...

Lindy -- good luck!

Rosie -- that's another one ... let them get on with it ... I've become that too.

Mum in a Muddle -- hah!

Lisa -- You're in a category all your own too!

[Almost Mrs Average]

LOL - love it. I'm the Governor mum and yes, after what we've been through in the last 5 years, I still need all the luck I can get :-D x

[A Modern Mother]

Mrs. Average -- good for you, I wouldn't have the patience!

[Stigmum]

I'm the stig-mum, a kind of now-you-see-me-now-you-don't depending on what's the menu of my day when I wake up. Will turn up at anything if I can, doesn't have to be high profile and am not particularly vocal on policies but that's because PTA mum and School Governor Mum and Working Mum(s) all do such a great job I don't have to and can continue standing with my head in the clouds. Very funny indeed, I do like this! I'd love to print it out and stick it on my fridge to decide what I'd like to be!!

[A Modern Mother]

I wonder how many mums wish they were a stig mum?! (I do!)

[Potty Mummy]

Love this - although I think you were quite polite... Do some of them read your blog, perhaps?

[TooManyHats]

Okay, this just goes to show that being a homeschool mom is way more easier than not. Now with 2 of the 3 in high school, I'm the one kicking myself for taking on a volnuteer position I have no ability for - costuming for the opera conservatory. So, sometimes I'm that mom with clipboard in hand trying to wrangle another mom or two to help out.

[Expat Mum]

I'm either "Oh go on then" mum (since I always seem to be asked to do things when no one else will volunteer), or "Jaded" mum since we've been at the same school for 13 years and I still have another 12 to go. Shoot me now!

[nappyvalleygirl]

I haven't quite got there yet, but judging by previous parents' evening experience at our old nursery in London, I'll probably be the bewildered Mum, sitting there not quite believing how over-the-top keen and pushy all these other women are and wondering why they don't just let the school get on with it.(As well as wondering if I can get away with writing about them in my blog).

[mumstheboss]

Oh gawd, I have 2 Boden coats and do a lot of baking - guess that maks me the honorary PTA Mum (without actually being on the PTA!) And I do TRY to smile.......

[Peggy@ Perfectly Happy Mum]

At last something to look forward to once we are out of the playgroup system... I simply can't wait.
Which one will I be? Humm let me read it again and pick...
...
Well I think that there is a big chance I turn into the keen mum and get bored of it after a couple of months. Quite promising really :)

[A Modern Mother]

Potty -- I think I'm in trouble after this one...

Expat -- Yes, oh go on then... that's a good one. Jaded mum is like the over did it mum..., just less polite.

Nappy -- I doubt I will get away with this...

Too Many -- yes that's a benefit of home school...

Mums the Boss -- I love Boden coats.

[whistlejacket]

I'm only at pre-school stage but I recognise many of these already. I'll probably be Keen Mum the way I'm going. I've recently become fundraiser for the pre-school so I'll probably become a bit of a Class Rep too. Oh dear, someone's got me figured out before I have.

[A Modern Mother]

Whistle -- yep, I forgot to mention that the classic keen mum starts her service at the preschool...

[notesfromlapland.blogspot.com]

We're not at that stage yet, still another 4 years to go before the youngest is at shool (they don't start until aged 7 here) but you were far more polite about the catagories than i think i would have been. :)

[Iota]

Very perceptive, you.

I'm the 'if I don't have a clue what's going on or what I'm suppose to be doing, it's because I'm English, but you know you'll forgive me anything when I open my mouth and you hear my lovely accent' mum.

[treemama]

I think I'm the Working Mum slash PTA dropout.

They know I'll bake anything they want, but don't try to get me there for the event!

I think we had this whole cast of characters at the last PTA meeting, hence the dropout bit. Yow!

[Liz (LivingwithKids)]

Yep, I've been The Working Mum and the Now You See Me Now You Don't Mum. I'm also Slightly Scruffy In The Morning But Scrubs Up Well At Night Mum.

[A Modern Mother]

Iota -- funny how that doesn't work in reverse for me!

Treemama -- PTA drop out, love it.

Liz -- it always amazes me how well I can scrub up (with a lot of effort)

[amy]

I'm working mum, but i do always have a full fridge :)

[Mwa]

I love this! So true! I would be the keen mum, soon to be overdid it mum. Really good post.

[A Modern Mother]

Amy -- yay! not easy I know

Mwa -- it's very easy to over do it, you can see it onb the mums faces, especially those with children in year 5 and 6!

[Pig in the Kitchen]

I'm the 'now-my-last-one-is-in-school-i'm-buggered-if-I'm-giving-up-my-hard-earnt-spare-time-to-help' Mum. I'm an expert at feigning deafness when a class coffee needs to be hosted, and weirdly, those emails asking for help with swimming never seem to reach my inbox... ;-)

[Linda]

I am chuntering mum, swearing and apologising, walking funny and holding on to my skirt for when the wind blows it up when my knicker elastic has gone.

[Maternal Tales]

None of the above (except I'm totally a Rosie - let them get on with it).

[Antonella]

I think I'm a "please don't involve me in your petty diatribes" mum. I tried to volunteer and I was genuinely in good faith trying to help but there are too many women at the school gates who don't have anything to do apart from gossiping, bitching about and trying to flirt with the (very rare) male teachers (bad or good looking doesn't really matter). Long live secondary schools! I suppose this might make me the "cynical mum", or not? All the best. Ciao. A.

[A Modern Mother]

Linda --

Maternal -- let them get on with it is an excellent attitude that I can recommend

Antonella -- Oooh, cynical mum, yes that's one to add to the list.

[RabbitInTheHeadlights]

I am ... deep breath ... 'school governor cos she can't help in class and isn't PTA material but wanted to do something thought it'd be easy but is now in process of appointing new head teacher all gone a bit pear-shaped' mum.

[A Modern Mother]

Rabbit -- oh dear, a friend of mine was chair of governors when they had to appoint a new head teacher ... good luck!

[Insomniac Mummy]

My son is about to start the school nursery next week so we shall see what metamorphosis takes place!

Eeeeek!

[geekymummy]

hee! I think you are being way too polite! I will be the overscheduled working mum who signs up to bring cakes/chaperone field trip, then does so on the wrong day, or brings cakes with allergy inducng ingredients or almost loses someone elses child on the trip, and late I will reverse my car into same child's parents brand new BMW. Can you tell I'm dreading it?!

Sad about token dads. Wish they were not token. My husband will be doing either drop off or pick up, so will be sure to be one. Preschool/daycare is 50/50 mums and dads picking up, and I love that.

[A Modern Mother]

Insomniac -- hope I didn't scare you too much ;-)

Geeky -- overscheduled mum -- love it!

[DS]

Started off as Keen Mum, then sort of turned into Overdid-It Mum - I realised that my involvement through the PTA was a positive disadvantage to my children in that it meant I had to do things like manning a stall at the fete rather than just go round with them. After that I resolved to do only things that would directly benefit my own children, like helping in class which they enjoyed because it made them feel special. At secondary level there is no equivalent and by then I was a lone parent so would have needed a babysitter for evening meetings, so I'm now Totally Uninvolved Mum as far as anything other than my own children's wellbeing and progress at school is concerned.

[privatemummy]

I think these are great! Not sure which I am, in fact, as a middle class mum entering the private school system for the first time (went to good state schools, grammar school then uni)I think you could create a whole new batch of mums:

*The nouveau riche mums, no real education themselves, bothered by labels and materialistic things. Likely to live in 600000+ houses in the most desirable areas. Friends of (insert School Name) reps. Hold coffee mornings in their large houses. Likely car= black range rover sport (never a vogue)

*The very, busy, very educated working mums for whom children are an accessory. E.g. hospital consultants, very senior management consultants etc. Children may even go to breakfast club.
Audi A3 or Volvo XC90, maybe a porsche carrera never a boxster!

*The minted, couple of generations money mummys who may have been to private school themselves, husbands have businesses and are producing a young family very quickly to satisfy larger family desires/expectations of SAHM. Mum definitely does not work. Likely car: BMW X5

*Middle class full time working mum and dad: work hard to put their child in private school, child likely to remain an only child as parents can't afford two in the private system.

*Middle class part time working mum, lives in bad catchment area and is sick of mums who brag 'about living in a good catchment area' and cannot stand the guardian reading hippies desperate to get their kids into the local outstanding catchment school. Difficult to fund private education but continue to strive for a balance between work and home life. Likely car: Freelander 1, top of the range but likely 8 or 9 years old. Unsure whether to join the private school playground mafia for fear of her lifestyle being judged (this is me).

Seems that no matter where one schools ones child, there is always a playground mafia!! Great post!

[privatemummy]

I've decided to start a blog, it looks very cathartic!

[Hannah]

Haha! I recognise a few of these. I was always the one that never fitted in and got lumped with the dull jobs like serving tea at school functions. Now we home educate which means we can bypass it altogether!

[A Modern Mother]

Private -- it is!

Hannah -- sounds good to me!

[Amy]

I'm none of the above (yet), my daughter isn't really in school yet. We attend classes together at the local Early Childhood Center.

Blogger Carnival is up at http://movingonfromthedrama.blogspot.com/2009/11/best-of-mommy-blog-carnival.html

[A Modern Mother]

Amy -- consider yourself lucky! Thanks for putting together the carnival.